"Higher" Education? Don't make me laugh...

School, my friends, is quite possibly the biggest deterrent to learning that I have ever encountered...not to mention a load of bullshit. How so? Allow me to elaborate...

The education industry is just that. An industry. They be out to make monies. Its interesting to look at things from a different angle than everyone else around, like I often seem to do. Everyone around me is all big on education and going to college, obsessed about getting everything they can out of their 4 years and throw mad $ at these schools to make it happen. Only to turn around and bitch and complain about how this and that is a load of bs. Everyone that I seem to talk to, both high school friends and fellow college associates, seem to follow this pattern. Of course, in the end it all pays of an is worth it, right? Well not really. The only one its paying off for are your loan providers and your school. The student gets mEGa_b0NED by college, and I will now explain why.

What it really boils down to is that the whole higher education system is a scam. There, I said it. I know a lot of people who follow my (few) posts on YouTube are young and still in high school, and my younger sister just entered school last week and already wants to vomit, so I feel its my responsibility to demystify the college experience to those who are unfamiliar with it. Its not glorious like people would have you believe. Colleges are not Meccas of higher learning. They're the same damn thing as high school, just with less rules. Just as many cliques, (albeit the fact that they tend to leave other social groups alone) with even more pointless partying. My god the partying. Remember all the popular people going out to get drunk and fuck each other every Friday night at Bret's house? Well imagine that happening every day, in the room right next to you, and you start to get an idea of what you're walking into. It doesn't matter if your school has a dry campus. Booze is everywhere, and everyone is drunk and sleeping around. The people that filled you with rage in high school with their oxygen wasting lives that you were lucky enough to part ways with at three o'clock are now your neighbors and, more than likely, your roommates. And every night, they assemble en masse to do what they do best. Dorm life can be great at times (usually after all these people have passed out from drinking too much), but more often than not it feels like being trapped in a mental institution with people who have drunk their brains away, and the only thing left is their instinct to copulate with each other. Its like drowning in a sea of stupidity. 24/7.

Oh, and did I mention that you get to be CHARGED for these brain deflating conditions? The institution of higher education won't hesitate to empty your wallet whenever you are stupid enough to stop thinking about your finances. But that's OK, they're just teaching you Finance 101, right?

Seriously though. Meal plans, books, supplies, transportation. You get nickeled and dimed (or, in this case, jacksoned and benjamined) on absolutely EVERYTHING. Books for this semester cost me $400. It's insane. You can't come to school without at least $1000 in the bank each semester. You'll be spending every last penny. Have a car? Parking costs a few hunderd dollars a semester. Meal plans, while probably rolled into your loans (which I'll get to in a second), can run you anywhere from $300 to $1000 a semester. Public transportation is stupid expensive, and there are other fees around every corner to steal your hard earned cash from you. If your finances were mostly your own throughout high school, prepare for MASSIVE sticker shock.

But all of this is excusable, right? After all, your mind is going to be expanded and enlightened in ways that your simple high school diploma can't even begin to fathom, right? WRONG AGAIN! The college curriculum is just as bullshit as the fees. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that classes ARE a fee, more than anything else. Why? Well lets take a look at it...

If you go to a school that offers a bachelors program (and, lets be honest, you're wasting your time even more if you aren't), your schedule will be divided into 2 main sections, classes for your major, and bullshit-uhh, I mean, general education. I'll say it right now: GENERAL EDUCATION IS NOT ONLY THE WORST ASPECT OF OUR COLLEGE SYSTEM, BUT ALSO THE BIGGEST MONEY MAKING SCAM I HAVE EVER BEEN A PART OF.

Don't believe the hype. People will tell you that General Education classes (or Gen. Eds, term may vary depending on your school) are there to "deliver unto you a well rounded education, and make an overall more educated person." SUCK. MY. BALLS. If anyone feeds you that line, ask them how many times they've used what they learned in Western Civilizations Since the Renaissance, or Conversations with the Earth: An Introduction to Geology. But be careful! They may follow up with "The material makes for a great conversation starter!" (Yes, someone really responded to me with that line).

Gen Ed's are an excuse to double the price of a college education, nothing more. We live in a specialized society. Our workforce is built around people having "careers", aka, doing a certain set of skills really, REALLY well. This is why students pick out a major in the first place. You pick a field you want to pursue, and take four years preparing yourself for said field, learning everything you can in order to to be the best you can be at it.

Of course, you COULD take those four years of schooling and finish them in two, thereby not only cutting your college expenses in half, but start making money in your field 2 years sooner, but that would rob your school of their precious dollar bills. Whatever shall they do? I KNOW! Lets make it mandatory to take classes that have (mostly) NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE! That way, you get to waste half your time in college jumping through uesless hoops, and they not only get to charge you for every BS class you take, but they get to double your housing fees, because now you have to stay in school twice as long! But at least you get your "well rounded education," right? Nope! Because since you're only dealing with the material for one semester, you pretty much forget everything once the class is over, usually before the end of semester break! Hooray wasting money! Hooray wasting two irreplaceable years of my life! Hooray college! Fuck me in the ass!

Not only that sad, pathetic fact, but your teachers, you know, the conduits for which all the knowledge of the universe flows (for $XX000 a year). Guess what, they SUCK TOO! Yep, more often then not, your #1 complaint about a class will be the piss poor performance of your instructor. Whether it's mindlessly reading off a typo-laden slideshow they prepared over 20 years ago, sexism, racism, favoritism, political bias, self centered "holier than thou" attitude, lack of enthusiasm or clarity, not being able to speak proper English, or just plain old being a bitch, there's an educational defect to push anyones buttons. Act now, and you can get an extra defect in another one of your classes for FREE (well, actually, its not free, its the same price as all your other classes. Deal.)

Oh, but we haven't even gotten to the best part yet, boys and girls. Yes, it can, and indeed does, get worse. I'm pretty sure most of your aren't in the amazingly lucky position of having someone standing by, ready to fill out a check for you to deal with all these wonderful conditions. So, how exactly are you going to pay for all of this? Welcome to Student Loans! The final state (or privately) provided, 10 inch dildo just itchin' to be shoved up your college bound ass! Don't have any money for school? Don't worry about it! Just a signature here, a date there, and your school is all paid for! Well, at least until you're finished, at least. Then, you got 6 months to get your still hurtin ass in gear, get in the system, and start working your life away, cuz we are gonna charge that ass monthly, for the next TEN YEARS. Oh, and don't forget, those four years of hittin the books gave us plenty of time to accumulate interest on your education cost, so prepare to pay back nearly 50% MORE than what you borrowed! You can thank us later.

Happy Studying!!!